Week 12 - Difficulties in Creating a Blended Family

Having a blended family can be complex. It is interesting that more than 50% of families today are comprised of blended relationships. I think it's important that we remember this statistic and that we learn how to adapt to them because this is the norm now. I have first-hand witnessed how hard blended families can be. My brother has two little girls both from different moms and it has been a real struggle. Although he has tried to treat them as direct sisters there is always that awkward tension sometimes when the thought of "their real mom(s)" come up. Divorces, deaths, and remarrying are all a part of life. They can't always be avoided and they aren't always the ideal solutions and issues that come up, but if we approach the situations in good light with clear support and willingness, every family has the potential to be happy and successful.

Week 11 - Parenting

I found this week's class discussion regarding parenting to be really insightful. There are so many different types of parenting styles and unique family situations. I have come to understand that it doesn't matter the situation, you can still be a great parent even if you are alone, or married, or widowed. One of the key insights I took from class this week was the need for contact and belonging. So much can be said with the simple touch of one person to another. Every child responds differently, and personal contact can show support, compassion, and understanding. I hope that one day I can be the parent that I know I have the potential to be.

Week 10 - Fatherhood and Providing Financially

I thought this week's topic was particularly interesting. For me, being a father-figure is inevitable, but right now being a provider is not the best option. My wife and I have had multiple discussions over how she feels about being the sole provider right now and we understand that although it seems like our roles are reversed, they really aren't. I may not be making all of the money, but we do know that when we have children what our plans and goals should be focused on. When I think of fatherhood, I think of the three P's. A father should preside, provide, and protect. I know that no matter the circumstances financially are, I can always be there to provide and protect my family and those I love.

Week 9 - Communication

When we were discussing Communication in class today, I thought about the movie "Hitch" when he talks about mediums and how others interpret the message you are sending (especially non verbal). I think this is something that everyone should pay more attention to since it's something that we may not realize we are doing wrong. The slight eyeroll, posture, text message with a particular punctuation could even send the wrong message. It's really important to remember that while you may be sending the same message, everyone interprets your (same) message, differently. You will be able to learn how other people may interpret something by getting to know them. It's particularly important to be aware of any signs you are sending in the first impression phase. You want everyone to clearly understand your stance and intentions.

Week 8 - Stress and Coping

Lately, I have seen my wife become extremely stressed out in her job. She loves her job, but has a lot of pressures on her. I have thought about those stresses in her life affect her and whether or not they make her a better worker/person or whether it is becoming destructive. I like how in class we discussed the different kinds of pressures and how stress isn't always a bad thing. There are many ways in which we can relieve stress and as long as it is not hurting yourself or others around you that's great. I think it's crucial to remember that everyone deals with stress differently. You cannot expect someone else to handle a situation the same as you. That has become increasingly important to me since  I have been married. As long as she is able to find a way to continually happy, which she is, I am happy with how she copes with work and life stress.

Week 7 - Physical Intimacy

One thing that I really found interesting about physical intimacy is the needs and process at which each person is fulfilled. The woman in the relationship most commonly wants to feel love and closeness before the intimate point, where the man wants to be intimate right away and therefore has his closeness needs fulfilled that way. It is really fascinating to me that both the man and the woman have needs at opposite spectrums and yet they are willing to sacrifice their needs for a common goal resulting in a stronger relationship/marriage. Intimacy is not just about the pleasure from it, but for the love and respect you are showing to your spouse.

Week 6 - Children: Blessing or Burdensome?

This week in discussing some of the pitfalls which couples encounter during marriage we tended to focus on the transitional phases of when children enter into the family. It was interesting to note that, on average, marital satisfaction steadily increases from the point of marriage until shortly after the birth of the first child, at which point it begins to decline more and more with the arrival of each additional child. Again, on average, this downward trend in marital satisfaction continues in this fashion until children being to leave the home, at which point marital satisfaction begins to increase once more.
Now, although I understand that there are obvious reasons why children could be the cause of additional stress (lack of sleep, additional responsibilities for both, husband and wife, greater demands on time, increased financial obligations, ect.), which could in turn be perceived as causing a decreased level of marital satisfaction, I don't necessarily think that needs to be the case. For one thing, I don't believe that you can directly associate your level of stress with your level of happiness. I'm sure surgeons are under extreme amounts of stress as a result of their profession but I don't believe all surgeons are unhappy or dissatisfied with their careers as a result, so why should parents become dissatisfied in their marriages when additional challenges arise? In my opinion, our level happiness and satisfaction within our marriages and all other aspects of lives, comes as a result of choice, not circumstances and as gospel principles are applied more fully in our lives, the choice to be happy becomes easier to make.

Week 5 - Dating: Practice Promotes Proficiency

Taking about dating this week spurred some fascinating conversation. I especially enjoyed the conversation about the connection between President Packer's teachings of how a proper dates are planned, paid for, and paired off and how that relates to the principle responsibilities of a husband as outlined by "The Family: A Proclamation to the World." I think that one of the dangers of merely "handing out" rather than dating is that it doesn't allow a man, or woman, the opportunity the practice the skills necessary to successful marriage; namely responsibility, in all its forms. It reminds me of a quote by Sister Elaine S. Dalton during a devotional address given here at BYU-I last year when she said, in regard to a potato peeler, "The structure is perfectly designed to get the results it gets." She then related that back to dating verses hanging out, and how since the structures are different, the results will be as well. Proper dating prepares for the demands of marriage, hanging out does not so if you want to be prepared for marriage, date. If you want to be more proficient in meeting your responsibilities as a husband or wife, date. Proper dating is a blessing to a marriage regardless of your current relationship status so date.

Week 4 - Gender Roles

Sorry team. I realize this should have been done last week but I was at my in-laws home over the weekend to celebrate a baby shower. I actually find that, baby showers, I mean, kind of an interesting display of gender roles themselves as even though my brother in-law is also going to be a parent to the upcoming baby, neither he, nor I, were invited to actually attended the baby shower; in fact, it was only women who were invited to attend. It's kind of a random thought, I just thought it interesting how in so often people say that gender roles are not necessarily good, yet we are continually adhering to them in even the simplest of circumstances.

Also, in connection with gender roles, although much of society considers them to be demeaning in some fashion or another, it is interesting how the church, in "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" not only supports the idea of gender roles but specifics, at least to some degree, as to the roles which men and women are intended to have. It clearly states, "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children." However, be that as it may, I appreciate how they do not suggest, however, that although gender roles are not only acceptable, but are intended to be evident within the home, they go on to say that "In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners." I believe this to be an important principle as it clarifies that even though gender roles may be present, it does not mean that any given responsibility should be entirely maintained by one gender or the other. Rather it emphasizes that men and women, husband and wife, are intended to help one another, taking partial responsibility in all things while having primary responsibility of a few.

Great Quote

This is a great quote from a Christian woman whom Elder Neil L. Andersen referenced in his October 2011 General Conference address, "Children." Makes you think, where does the importance children, or family, rank in your personal life? Enjoy.
 “[Growing] up in this culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood. … Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get.” She then adds: “Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.”⁷

Week 3 - Social Class

It was really interesting talking about different social classes and out perception of them. I found it really fascinating how our view of different social classes is so dependent upon which social class we perceive ourselves to be in. It seems to me as though the upper class appears to look down on the lower classes because they view themselves as being "superior" their standing world while the lower classes seem to look down on the upper class because they perceive them as being "snobs," regardless of their worldly standings. I think what's interesting about this is that one view is based upon the ability to influence while the other is based upon a perception of attitude but who is to say that one perception is better than the other? In my opinion, neither is right. I don't think social class matters nearly so much in comparison to what type of person you constantly strive to become. There are good, honest people in every social class, just as there are "bad" people in every class; what's important is not your current standing within the realm of social classes, it's what you do with the standing which you have.

Week 2 - Theories...

Alright, now for this week. Theories...conflict, exchange, symbolic interaction, and systems theories are obviously all prevalent enough in society that they are easily recognizable but what does that mean for each of us, and for the family?
We spent a great deal of time talking about the systems theory which, to me, makes so much sense. The idea that everything is interconnected, however, it is a new one. Sir Isaac Newton stated, in reference to the laws of motion, that "every action has its equal and opposite reaction," and just as that's true in relation to motion, its truth is also consistent within family relationship as well. You can't change one thing without it having an effect on another; everything in life is interconnected.
I don't believe a family is intended to merely be a collection of individuals who happen to live together, that's sounds more like a dorm than a family. Now, it may seem like a simple concept, but nothing seems to come apart until it's pulled in different directions at the same time which is why is important to remember that with many things in life, but especially the family, it would be good to always keep in mind the motto of the Musketeers,"It's all for one, and one for all."

Week 1

So sorry to back track like this but I'm new to blogging and wasn't quite sure how to go about this last week. I not sure how much I can promise coming out of this week either but I'm sure things will get better as we progress throughout the semester.
Jumping back, I really enjoyed the documentary we watched discussing the effects of the decline in global birth rates. Aside from the information that was presented on how the shrinking birthrates will effect the world as a whole, I find it interesting, and sad, to think about the societal shift in values which has had to have occurred in order to allow for such a dramatic change. Not to long ago it wasn't uncommon to come from a family of 5, or 6, or 7, or more, and now, if it seems as though it's plenty to have two, and if it could be one boy and one girl, well, that would be just perfect,
I'm not saying my wife and I are planning on having a huge family by any means, but I dunno, maybe we will. I think that what's most important is that rather than having some predetermined number of children and preferred genders already decided upon, you have the mindset, "Come what may, and love it," (Come What May, And Love It, Joseph B. Wirthlin, General Conference, October 2008) regardless of the timing or gender in which they arrive.

Test for Class

This is a test post, to see if our TA and the class can read/access my blog.

Thanks,
Josh