Week 10 - Fatherhood and Providing Financially

I thought this week's topic was particularly interesting. For me, being a father-figure is inevitable, but right now being a provider is not the best option. My wife and I have had multiple discussions over how she feels about being the sole provider right now and we understand that although it seems like our roles are reversed, they really aren't. I may not be making all of the money, but we do know that when we have children what our plans and goals should be focused on. When I think of fatherhood, I think of the three P's. A father should preside, provide, and protect. I know that no matter the circumstances financially are, I can always be there to provide and protect my family and those I love.

Week 9 - Communication

When we were discussing Communication in class today, I thought about the movie "Hitch" when he talks about mediums and how others interpret the message you are sending (especially non verbal). I think this is something that everyone should pay more attention to since it's something that we may not realize we are doing wrong. The slight eyeroll, posture, text message with a particular punctuation could even send the wrong message. It's really important to remember that while you may be sending the same message, everyone interprets your (same) message, differently. You will be able to learn how other people may interpret something by getting to know them. It's particularly important to be aware of any signs you are sending in the first impression phase. You want everyone to clearly understand your stance and intentions.

Week 8 - Stress and Coping

Lately, I have seen my wife become extremely stressed out in her job. She loves her job, but has a lot of pressures on her. I have thought about those stresses in her life affect her and whether or not they make her a better worker/person or whether it is becoming destructive. I like how in class we discussed the different kinds of pressures and how stress isn't always a bad thing. There are many ways in which we can relieve stress and as long as it is not hurting yourself or others around you that's great. I think it's crucial to remember that everyone deals with stress differently. You cannot expect someone else to handle a situation the same as you. That has become increasingly important to me since  I have been married. As long as she is able to find a way to continually happy, which she is, I am happy with how she copes with work and life stress.

Week 7 - Physical Intimacy

One thing that I really found interesting about physical intimacy is the needs and process at which each person is fulfilled. The woman in the relationship most commonly wants to feel love and closeness before the intimate point, where the man wants to be intimate right away and therefore has his closeness needs fulfilled that way. It is really fascinating to me that both the man and the woman have needs at opposite spectrums and yet they are willing to sacrifice their needs for a common goal resulting in a stronger relationship/marriage. Intimacy is not just about the pleasure from it, but for the love and respect you are showing to your spouse.

Week 6 - Children: Blessing or Burdensome?

This week in discussing some of the pitfalls which couples encounter during marriage we tended to focus on the transitional phases of when children enter into the family. It was interesting to note that, on average, marital satisfaction steadily increases from the point of marriage until shortly after the birth of the first child, at which point it begins to decline more and more with the arrival of each additional child. Again, on average, this downward trend in marital satisfaction continues in this fashion until children being to leave the home, at which point marital satisfaction begins to increase once more.
Now, although I understand that there are obvious reasons why children could be the cause of additional stress (lack of sleep, additional responsibilities for both, husband and wife, greater demands on time, increased financial obligations, ect.), which could in turn be perceived as causing a decreased level of marital satisfaction, I don't necessarily think that needs to be the case. For one thing, I don't believe that you can directly associate your level of stress with your level of happiness. I'm sure surgeons are under extreme amounts of stress as a result of their profession but I don't believe all surgeons are unhappy or dissatisfied with their careers as a result, so why should parents become dissatisfied in their marriages when additional challenges arise? In my opinion, our level happiness and satisfaction within our marriages and all other aspects of lives, comes as a result of choice, not circumstances and as gospel principles are applied more fully in our lives, the choice to be happy becomes easier to make.

Week 5 - Dating: Practice Promotes Proficiency

Taking about dating this week spurred some fascinating conversation. I especially enjoyed the conversation about the connection between President Packer's teachings of how a proper dates are planned, paid for, and paired off and how that relates to the principle responsibilities of a husband as outlined by "The Family: A Proclamation to the World." I think that one of the dangers of merely "handing out" rather than dating is that it doesn't allow a man, or woman, the opportunity the practice the skills necessary to successful marriage; namely responsibility, in all its forms. It reminds me of a quote by Sister Elaine S. Dalton during a devotional address given here at BYU-I last year when she said, in regard to a potato peeler, "The structure is perfectly designed to get the results it gets." She then related that back to dating verses hanging out, and how since the structures are different, the results will be as well. Proper dating prepares for the demands of marriage, hanging out does not so if you want to be prepared for marriage, date. If you want to be more proficient in meeting your responsibilities as a husband or wife, date. Proper dating is a blessing to a marriage regardless of your current relationship status so date.

Week 4 - Gender Roles

Sorry team. I realize this should have been done last week but I was at my in-laws home over the weekend to celebrate a baby shower. I actually find that, baby showers, I mean, kind of an interesting display of gender roles themselves as even though my brother in-law is also going to be a parent to the upcoming baby, neither he, nor I, were invited to actually attended the baby shower; in fact, it was only women who were invited to attend. It's kind of a random thought, I just thought it interesting how in so often people say that gender roles are not necessarily good, yet we are continually adhering to them in even the simplest of circumstances.

Also, in connection with gender roles, although much of society considers them to be demeaning in some fashion or another, it is interesting how the church, in "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" not only supports the idea of gender roles but specifics, at least to some degree, as to the roles which men and women are intended to have. It clearly states, "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children." However, be that as it may, I appreciate how they do not suggest, however, that although gender roles are not only acceptable, but are intended to be evident within the home, they go on to say that "In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners." I believe this to be an important principle as it clarifies that even though gender roles may be present, it does not mean that any given responsibility should be entirely maintained by one gender or the other. Rather it emphasizes that men and women, husband and wife, are intended to help one another, taking partial responsibility in all things while having primary responsibility of a few.